http://www.novembertheplay.com President Charles H.P. Smith's Official Blog en-us 2010-03-18 00:59:38 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2449#achor2449 FOR DUCKS DO NOT MATE FOR LIFE: SWANS, it is said, mate for life but a) The swans' life is a mere two-to-four years; and b) Who knows what they get up to when they're ”migrating” Sousa's song, then, might, and, I think, must be interpreted to mean “give the other fella a break.” IF that is how that poet felt in regard to migrating waterfowl, how much more... 2008-06-19 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2420#achor2420 The Fascists, however, in addition to wearing these “shirts” destroyed their countries, rounded up and shot Jews, the Gypsies, the Gays, and generally were not the life of the Party. Nowadays nobody who might be a Fascist can be identified by his shirt. So the right-thinking have taken to calling them out. People can be called a Fascist for bad-driving, for ticketing bad driving,... 2008-06-16 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2413#achor2413 That is how I feel about the various agreements, FAFTAN, NAPSTER, and so on, which are sowing overtired Mexican truckdrivers, on both shoulders of our National Highways. Remember the Neediest, Your President, Charles H.P. Smith THE JAPANESE INTERNMENT Unless the calendar deceives me, we are coming up on the sixty-somethings anniversary of the Japanese Internment. This is a blot on our National... 2008-06-12 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2365#achor2365 Well, that doctor may have legitimately feared many things, but one of them was not “the vernal equinox.” The vernal equinox, my friends at the weather service tell me, is nothing more or less than that day or night when the length of the day and the night are equal. “Equal to what?” you might ask, and there I cannot help you. But they assure me we have nothing... 2008-06-09 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2332#achor2332 Logic would suggest it somehow divides the Far East and the Near East. The Far East, we understand, is Asia. Or, what used to be called “the East.” No matter that this “east” is to the west of the United States, indeed rater close to Hawaii. A fact, of course, remarked by the Japanese in 1941, who flew, we will remember east for their “little surprise.”... 2008-06-05 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2288#achor2288 Let's consider: 1.) Jimmy Carter was a peanut farmer. 2.) He worked on a nuclear submarine. Here we have, before us, if we will simply facet the facts, hard evidence of exposure to the two most destructive elements upon this planet: nuclear energy, and trans fats. Those of us who lived through or near the Sixties will recall the various film animals, swollen out of any resemblance to the... 2008-06-02 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2262#achor2262 Japan did not behave that way, after the Second World Way. (Thou, on reflection, Germany did.) (And now we drive cars manufactured by both nations.) Perhaps there are some doors man just want' meant to open. I know that this is the view not only of various religions, but of my handyman, Mr. Krzweski. Keep Smiling, Your Pres. Charles H.P. Smith 2008-05-29 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2249#achor2249 Robert Preston, we will remember, found the love of his life there, (Marion, the Librarian), and, in challenging times, we recall that there was, indeed, “trouble in River City,” but that everything came out alright when people put on shabby uniforms, and blew into unserviceable trombones. Support your local library. We have a celebration every year called “Library... 2008-05-26 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2237#achor2237 Several traditional choices: 1) Everyone is a “bad person,” no matter what they do (Calvinism). 2) Everyone is a good person, no matter what they do (Liberalism). 3) Nothing is either good or bad, no matter who does it (Existentialism). I say it is hard to choose between these three upon their merits, and suggest (and here's my innovation) choosing on the basis of their... 2008-05-22 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2217#achor2217 The horse, of course, was brought here by the Spanish, in their “galleons” borne by those winds which profited in being real rather than figurative, but which, being real, taxed the sailors with their variableness, ensuring many – we will hope – fine night on shipboard, immobile but happy, drinking. Those wines for which Spain is known to this day, and disporting... 2008-05-19 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2198#achor2198 “Aniline,” “hegemony,” “prefect,” I have looked these words up time and gain, and, like Chinese food, half an hour later I've forgotten their meaning. I don't know what they mean. But I retain a belief that someone does. On the other hand there are words (like “existential,” of “lifestyle”) which,... 2008-05-15 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2170#achor2170 All in good fun. But, kidding aside, it is good to be active. Especially if one's job is sedentary. Like that of a judge. What do they do? They sit around all day. And years and years of that must take their toll. For, though they work with their brains, the brain, after all, is a part of the body, and, like the other parts, it needs a good muscle tone. Am I suggesting those Judges “pump... 2008-05-12 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2163#achor2163 Are Episcopalians a cult? They dress alike and mingle only with their own, living in “compounds” from which no one ever leaves. They all drive Volvos and, in warmer months, wear sporty topsiders on the wooden docks of their holdings in Maine. In these same “summer houses” they learn to sail small boats and have sex with their children. Does this qualify them... 2008-05-08 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2148#achor2148 Unfortunately, some of those grownups do not share these views, and, so, they should be killed. Peace is good for small children, they may use it to romp about, look at clouds and flowers, or play war. The President for all the People, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-05-05 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2145#achor2145 But the press, lately, has been carping at her redecoration of The White House. Well, we live in a free country and that's their right. But to refer to the style of the décor as “Trailer-Trash Modern” hits below the belt. For although, yes, she grew up in a border state, and may not have had your or my “advantages,” she has a profound sense... 2008-05-01 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2124#achor2124 Overcome by A) Emotion, B) The Ineffable Sorrow of Existence, C) Malay Pirates, I instructed A) The Maid, B) the Marines, C) My Personal Shopper, to quickly ________. Therefore, I instruct you to A) Be of Bold Heart, B) Invest in Real Estate, and keep you're A) Faith, B) Pecker Up. Your President, and A) Mine, B) Pal, C) Admirer, C.H.P. Smith 2008-04-28 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2121#achor2121 First of all, whether or not it is an “opinion” is open to debate. Secondly, it is my opinion that they're talking about FEELINGS. I am not ashamed of my feelings. My mother taught me, at her knee, to be proud of those feelings I feel. I am proud, for example, to be an American; and to be a good husband and father. I am proud to have once bowled a perfect game (almost... 2008-04-25 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2112#achor2112 Yes, I learned, they are allowed to marry more than one wife, but this, then, seemed to me a good idea. And yes, I later learned, they pair up, in late teenage years, and roam the world as missionaries. As the parent of teenagers, however, this seemed to me, (far beyond being a “good idea”) a stroke of genius. Those are the two things I knew (and know) about Mormons: more than... 2008-04-23 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2096#achor2096 In the United States our Creation Myth is “GONE WITH THE WIND.” Watching this movie, however, as have we all, too many times, I am struck by this: why does Big Jim save Miss Scarlett from the Bad Bad Men? Would he not have left her to “stew in her own juice,” after four hundred years and some odd months of repression? And why does Scarlett suddenly decide... 2008-04-21 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2091#achor2091 But there's another side, and this is it: as our machines progress in sophistication, they approach toward what the eggheads call “artificial intelligence,” and someday, they say, machines will be able to “think.” At such a time, not that far off, they will, of course, have preferences, and become part of the electorate themselves – so, perhaps, all... 2008-04-18 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2087#achor2087 Jews buy a lot of airplanes and boats with the money they make (and who begrudges them?), and so, it is true, tax our country's rescue services (The Coast Guard, Forest Service, Civil Air Patrol and so on) statistically more than do we Christians, but it is a small price to pay for their contributions to society. Barry Goldwater had been a Jew, but his family, furniture peddlers in Arizona, decided... 2008-04-16 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2076#achor2076 I loved that man. And if we cannot look to the generation which came before for wisdom, to whom can we look? For they saw it all. The Depression, World War II, The Cold War, television, and the dissolution of the social fabric. And, through it all, at the end of the day, did they complain? No. they shook their heads or nodded at the infinite variety of life, and said, “I'll have... 2008-04-14 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2074#achor2074 Sometimes I can't sleep at night, “thinking over” what happened, my place in the day, and the problem of gay marriage. Is there a God? Or are we, like travelers marooned for the winter months in O'Hare Airport, just “making it up as we go along?” Also, on behalf of the United States Government, I would like to apologize not only for slaver, but for our refusal... 2008-04-11 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2068#achor2068 This is why I am so glad about Hurricane Katrina, as not, in geography as in history, the question of where something is may be open to debate, and to the expression of those individual opinions which make this country great. “Where is the Mississippi River?”, “Look around you.” Seriously. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-04-09 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2065#achor2065 If, on the other hand, we're writing a book report, well, the time does quite the other thing. To review, A) licking a loved one's ear, B) searching for adjectives. Our lives, likewise, might be described as a “fugue of intervals of varying length in each of which we are perhaps crazed with delight, perhaps wishing we were dead. Some say of “the Old Folks,” “take... 2008-04-07 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2063#achor2063 1.) CON. Might not their happiness be increased by keeping the experience illegal? This might add the thrill of the forbidden to the physiological “high” of the dope itself. (Like having sex with the maid, even if your wife doesn't care.) 2.) PRO. I ask you to consider the beneficial environmental impact of legalized dope. The benefit of hemp. “Hemp” is that... 2008-04-04 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2055#achor2055 Then she's got to preside over “State Functions,” and, hardest of all, keep her mouth shut while her husband tries to run the country. My wife, Cathy, has done most of these things most of the time, and she deserves, I think, both my and your respect. But the press, lately, has been carping at her redecoration of The White House. Well, we live in a free country and that's... 2008-04-02 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2046#achor2046 Think about it. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith GRAFT What makes our hearts beat high with Joy? Graft. What's better than a hot Page Boy? Graft What buys our house on the Maine Seashore, And pays for a night with a Las Vegas escort? I'll tell you now what I Told You Before. Graft. My favorite poem, Sincerely, Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-03-31 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2043#achor2043 For there is an organization especially created to counter drugs, we call it the police, but where are the heroes, standing up to the scourge of yoga? I therefore have asked congress to prepare a bill which will be named: “Defense of the Country – The War on Yoga”. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith P.S. If you see anyone “bending over” too long... 2008-03-28 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2040#achor2040 Why, however, I ask, prosecute the museums where this Art now hangs? Why not go after those movie villains who misled us? Yes, they are dead, and yes, their sons have gotten slim and drive around the European Capitols seducing white women with their dad's ill-gotten gains. And yes their daughters are chained to the stove or whatever they cook on, willing their fat husbands to come home from the... 2008-03-26 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2015#achor2015 In this country, I believe, it is now the law, that no one can be discriminated against because of their religion: so, theoretically, anyone could enter the “priesthood,” and insist on timely, regular promotions, ending, in the course of events, as Pope. But the Pope is, and has always been, elected in Italy, a country without our regard for human rights. Yes, they are kind,... 2008-03-24 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2012#achor2012 Am I being picayune? I don't think so. Noted academics have established that Wm. Shakespeare did not write his plays. These “Shakespeare” plays, they teach, were written by a guy called “Francis Bacon,” who injected them with a code, which, when deciphered, confirms that Shakespeare did not write them. The founding fathers, similarly, stuck their code right... 2008-03-21 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2007#achor2007 And I believe we all know what chickens are. Dare to dream. Dare to be real. Dare to hope, and hope to dare. And remember, double dares go first. Olley Olley In Free. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-03-19 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2003#achor2003 The Irish, to whom we owe “St. Patrick,” came here, in the main in the late Eighteenth Century, due to their potato famine. They were, thus, the first to swear off carbohydrates. And they have broke the trail in other ways, bringing us clog dancing, big city corruption, and Mercedes McCambridge. Do not drink and drive. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-03-17 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=2000#achor2000 Some kids perceived these “tokens” were the same size as a washer, and would throw a washer in the hopper to avoid paying the fare. I never did this. Yes, I had washers around the garage (who did not?). And, yes, I had one in my pocket, when that group of boys was arrested for using washers on the bus. And, yes, some of those boys were charged, not only with that misdemeanor,... 2008-03-14 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1991#achor1991 Some of us are baling, and some of us are bitching, but we're all in the same boat. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-03-12 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1989#achor1989 You will recall that Yvette Mimeux “put out” and came to a bad end, while Paula Prentiss (the good girl), kept her legs together and found a husband. I have asked Congress to pass a law requiring every schoolchild in the land to watch this film. Faith Can Move Mountains. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-03-10 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1981#achor1981 The Super Delegates, on the other hand, are a bunch of paunchy over-the-hill guys (and women in charge of adding the “surprise” factor to the upcoming convention. Therefore they, as entertainers, are closer to the “wild card” presenters on the old game shows than they are to super heroes. They have no super powers, and only the one trick, which is to tritze... 2008-03-07 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1974#achor1974 Some say I should give him up, but I will not. I feel about my dog the same way I feel about my country: I love him, and I will stand by him, however much he irritates my nasal passages. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 2008-03-05 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1967#achor1967 Those same sea creatures which amused us in that film, and with whom one may swim at various upscale resorts ringing the Ocean World, are – it is a matter of record – not only being used as ballistic delivery systems by the Navy, but are finding themselves ground up and sold as tuna fish. What other creature can make this dual claim. Just a thought from... Your President,... 2008-03-03 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1961#achor1961 This means that they celebrated not only Christmas, but Income Tax Day more often, so, as we see, there is a benefit and a cost for everything. Note: Our civilization has 105 more days in the year than the Aztecs, which is why we have prevailed, while their civilization is but a dim memory. The French keep shortening the workweek, which they now have made official at 12 and a half days a month. Employ... 2008-02-29 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1940#achor1940 I love my wife, and have instructed the Marines that, while it is of course acceptable to address her “Yo, bitch,” they must still and always stand when she enters the room, and risk their lives to save her when and if “the rag heads” try again. Be Hip, but Be Courteous. Your President, Charles H.P. Smith 1969-12-31 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1898#achor1898 Much like the bread upon the waters, the money which we've, openhanded, thrown at backward savages, warlords, and their U.S. advertising firms, returns to us in the inflated real estate prices of those cities lucky enough to dot our two shores, and in the astronomical price of designer handbags. And it is on the subject of these handbags which I would like to address you now. Who, I ask, but those... 2008-02-25 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1887#achor1887 I, therefore, and out of respect for that President who instituted the policy, am asking that it be renamed “REALLY DON'T ASK AND DON'T TELL.” And, pee ess, this means you; so if you are a serving member of the Armed Serviced, and you have the urge either to indulge in homosexual practices or to peek at people doing so and then gossip about them, this is the new memo. Really.... 2008-02-20 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1876#achor1876 It is they to whom we turn for reassurance, comfort, explanation, and those other things which, in the infant, may be summarized as “breast milk.” As the election nears, let us think of this – and choose not the woman (or man) with the biggest bosoms, but him (or her) who, while not actually sticking their chest in our mouths, can approximate the service. Thank... 2008-02-18 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1870#achor1870 Some said that the C.I.A. ran drug traffic out of South East Asia during the Vietnam war (1963-1975), but, in any organization, a business, or a family, the money's go to come from somewhere. Which leads me to the subject of the Red Cross. A lot has been written about their “alleged,” and I emphasize “alleged” role in what the disaffected choose to call “the... 2008-02-14 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1858#achor1858 Yours for a world just brimming full of kindness while not tipping over into inappropriate sexual behavior and innuendo in the workplace. Charles H.P. Smith 1969-12-31 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1856#achor1856 Better in what way, you ask, and I respond: in gearing, steering, comfort, speed, and braking. In any case. I had not been in possession of that bicycle more than one afternoon, when it was stolen. And I have always considered that theft a hate crime, as I cannot for the life of me come to the conclusion that the theft was an act of love. “Indifference”, yes, but not of... 2008-02-11 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1836#achor1836 “Stuffing the Ballot box,” I, of course, associated with Thanksgiving; and “voting the dead,” with Halloween. Is it, then, surprising that I, to this day, associate election time with wondrous unforeseen surprises, and unearned gifts? Happy Holidays. Your President Charles H.P. Smith 2008-02-05 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1831#achor1831 Tattooing is a custom brought to thee shores by those intrepid mariners who first ventured to the great south seas, bringing syphilis and bringing back coral, pineapples, and those cunning print shirts so popular during the summer months. Tattooing is also used, as we know, in identification of the lips of horses, poodles, and other beasts both of burden and enjoyment. These tattoos identify the... 2008-02-04 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1810#achor1810 HEALTH CARE It has been driven home to me that health care costs are too high when, around the country, people are taking doctors at gunpoint and demanding to have their ears examined. This has got to stop. Waxy buildup can also be combated by eating more bulk. Simpler is better. 2008-01-28 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1805#achor1805 TAXES I promise not to raise taxes; for taxes take money from the pockets of the workers and put it in the hands of the shirkers. Taxes are the sign of decay. Rome fell because of Taxes, as did Soviet Russia, Nazi Germany, the Duchy of Gran Fenwick, and the French Monarchy. No one in his right mind would raise taxes when he can just print money. 2008-01-18 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1789#achor1789 ABSTINENCE ONLY TRAINING My endorsement of this measure, issued in blue covers, first referred to as the “blue Bills”, have come to be known, on late night Talkshows, as “The Blue Balls.” This, while accurate, is disrespectful to my Office. 2008-01-14 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1783#achor1783 STEM CELL RESEARCH The best that this research could accomplish would be to prolong the lives of people who were going to die anyway. Is it worth the aggravation? 2008-01-10 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1758#achor1758 We must go forward, as part of a heritage of Faith which brought the pilgrims to our shore, fleeing oppression in the only way open to them at the time: ships. Are we not equal in the sight of God? If so, let petty differences disappear, in full-hearted endorsement of whatever programs I have been graced to envision. For “one hand full, with quietness,” is, as we read in The... 2007-12-11 http://www.novembertheplay.com/blog.php?onload=1757#achor1757 CONGRESSIONAL SEX SCANDALS Congressmen should be allowed to turn over a new leaf, but not allowed to turn over one of the pages. THE VALIDITY OF TORTURE It should be recognized that information can be extracted only from those people possessing information; and that no one likes to give up their possessions without a little waterboarding. REINSTATING THE DRAFT This should be accomplished by... 2007-12-06